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Dear Roberta..

AWAKE!!

"You build a cocoon around your mind or your eyes..you have seen a lot..and every new instance or experience ..from now onwards..will be determined accordingly. Isn't everything an extension of your mind...so there is nothing new coming that already wasn't there? We try to perceive things based on what we know..and to take a new leap of faith..well you don't have the time nor the energy anymore... but every new corner does still scare you...you just know...the warmth of this cocoon is your solace..you just don't know what will hatch out of it. Given to fly..you will be..but where will you fly to? You have a need to belong. No matter how much you say otherwise. Do you have a choice either way?"

The day started normally. The smell of burnt cigarettes splashed and spliced with flowing drapes reminiscent of Rapunzel maybe.. covering the window..keeping him from seeing what was outside. Sight is our strength and weakness at the same time. The glorious mess that he was and the galore of these four walls.. contradictory..or complementary? Who could tell? It's all about perspectives. 

People running around as he walked in a calm fashion. The onset of an apocalypse...or maybe something even better....Was this a mass hysteria..a fancy term eh.. "Is this it?" he thought to himself. He goes into a store to get a bottle of water..chaos everywhere...and yet here is the owner selling goods as usual..he turns around..a halo has formed around the sun... which intensifies.. each time he steals a glance at it..glorious blue..just like the eyes of a child he remembers..or how he chose to remember it. "The sun is 149.6 million Km away from the Earth" he mumbles in a familiar way.. reminiscence..mostly because he hated his school teacher..how he spoke..oh how he hated him. But maybe hate is much too strong of a word. We express ourselves..but it's perception is different. Be it complimentary or derogatory. The assumption of a perfect thought sync between individuals is only the carnal desire of flesh forming a cocoon around you. 

He looks back up to the sky.. which now is a mix of crimson red..purple..grey..blue...Every shade that your palette can offer..every stroke that could instill fear..as it reveals its shade.. it's all there...as sight trains our brain to respond... RESPOND!! This need to respond..show...feel...the halo grows bigger..everyone running around now..as he calmly drinks the water.

He sees the chaos around him.. something creeps up his spine.. every sci fi movie seen ..every novel read..and there he stands..a numb witness...the lights intensify..but he somehow knows he will not be harmed.. and chooses to stand there..a rigor mortis of sorts though..but not out of fear in any way..nor has he forgotten how to breathe...he turns back..looks up to the circling crevace..his sight should fail him now.. everything must be dark..but somehow he still sees..a black light of sorts...the wind must be strong..but it isn't..he should be hearing screams..but he isn't...the sky is almost at the tip of his fingers..and it seems it is here to engulf him..but why can't he hear anything... sound..oh dear sound....and silence...a flat line without a tone...a landmine of sorts..you see every shade of the explosion..but no tinnitus..no noise..the light engulfs him..or barely passes through he thinks..

AWAKE !!!
The day started normally. The smell of cigarettes splashed and spliced with his bedsheet and blanket..keeping him from smelling what the world offers....Smell..oh how it stirs up memories with one whiff of a familiar aura or perfume..and there you are almost traveling through time.. reliving every moment in a fingersnap...are we really traveling through time each instance we visit our minds opening up little memory cupboards or capsules....Pure paraphernalia...can we change some of it? Why not? Its not about how it happened..it's always about how we remember things..the way we choose to.. it's all about perspectives.

He sees the world around him..a heightened sense of presentiment..he receives each instance of happiness.. sorrow..anger..love..everything all at once..but he can't feel it...maybe it's too much to process.. "I have always prepared myself for anything that might come. So much to say..inflict oneself with every combination of emotions and imagine how would you react to it" PERMUTATION !! COMBINATION !! Oh how he dreaded those math lessons ... What's all this rush about? What is this need to connect? Is it the ultimate goal everytime? To breed? To propagate? What do we do truly for ourselves? Is every action a justification in our mind for our existence? Every feat a potential hope for a reason to be remembered and this need of a genetic passage for memorabilia. We disappear along with our peers and we are forgotten alongside. There is a beauty in that as well. No one has the time to vest in another..give me an example of selflessness and I will point out the motive behind it.. somewhere along the sands of time.. we forgot how to ask...and we learned how to assume..

--Make sure you remember me when i am gone!!--

"Are we that lost in looking for answers? Or a purpose? We talk about energies and souls..afterlife or the lack of one..everything..but when it comes to the daily nitty gritty..you are back to being a human again..making the same choices..living your deepest fears..and trying not to give in to hypocrisy..but you do everytime..a bit more..a pound of your flesh..everytime ser Antonio...so don't try to provide me with answers I don't need..because you don't know what my questions are." 

He looks away from the mirror. 

AWAKE !!
The day started normally. The smell of cigarettes splashed and spliced with his hands and breath..keeping the world from smelling what he offered...the world..how small it is and how grand it is all at the same time..as words have helped us communicate..but it does downsize the extent of what we try to mean through it.. everyone wants to rebel and revel..the hollow facade of looking to find a purpose is the new way..a mortal approval we seek..

KHRAAK !!
He pulls down the lever
The sky resembles a bloodlined cavity and a canvas for a violent artform..but the strokes are gentle..he did want what was best...but everyone feels differently..no one will see it in the same way..and everytime he pulled the lever..a new dawn and a new world did appear..but flaws were never non-existent ..even our DNA structure resembles a downward spiral..or depends on which direction you choose as your line of sight..nevertheless..it is here..or the notion of what here is..moreover...to err is to human...imperfection is to life..how death is to being humane...but he was not willing to let go of that trigger. The death of one is a loss of countless identities..as one is perceived in many ways by each one they interact with..and everytime he restarted the world..the countless lives lost grew exponentially into countless personalities..he couldn't stop now..not until he balanced it out somehow..or repaid the debt..."All in time", he thought as he was being taken in for a lobotomy.

"And not the need of any written proofs
For every choice taken or not
I collapse and create universes
And for any realities seen
Nothing is more real..than the planets that collide
In my thoughts...At least a million
Flowing through...Neurons and vessels
And these aching bones..every second
I live inside my mind..a bit more than I should
And die in every other plane
This parallax..and your perspective of me
As I see"

AWAKE !!
The day started normally..

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